Did you know that today when you type in ‘how to’ on google the first result that gets bought up is ‘how to know when to leave a marriage’. This is 5 results higher than a same search that contains the word ‘coronavirus’.
So, what has bought you here? is it curiosity or are you looking for proof that maybe your marriage is truly over and its time for you to get out?
Undoubtably many relationships will be under a huge amount of strain at the moment due to coronavirus as many of us are stuck in doors for hours on end with only our husbands or wives to talk too, I know…you feel like strangling them right?
But how do you know that these troubles and tensions run much deeper than lockdown, are you locked in and looking to be let out? Then let me give you my 10 reasons on why you should leave your marriage now…
1 – You have nothing to talk about
Gone are the days of sitting and talking until the sun goes down, these days you rarely find anything to talk about and talking doesn’t come as easy as it used too. When was the last time you have a proper conversation? Talked about your interests and your aspirations, so wrapped up in the conversation that your forget about everything around you (especially your phone).
If you are used to spending little quality time together because of work, children etc than spending more than a day with your other half can drive you mad but if you don’t miss the conversations its time to look at why you don’t have anything to talk about, maybe you just aren’t interested anymore in what they say.
2- You always double date
Cocktails and food, yes please! Now are you going alone?? When was the last time you didn’t go on a date without your phones being on the table? Only using it for pictures for the gram. But how long is it before your checking the group chat and wondering what Kim Kardashian is wearing at the weekend? Are you guilty of this? is your relationship a foursome? You’re both More wrapped up in the world around you than the moment you are in.
Dates should be a perfect reason to put everything to one side and have some quality couple time. If you find that you can’t go on a date without getting the devices out, then clearly the best relationship you both have is with the outside world than each other.
3 – I don’t want to do that
Do you constantly feel like your fighting a losing battle? You fancy a date night, but your other half would rather sit in their pyjamas watching X factor (or maybe that’s the other way around). You fancy a trip to the Trafford centre and they now find shopping trips a real bore.
At what point do you notice that the things you both used to take an interest in doing (together!), simply aren’t interesting anymore? Its great to have your own interests and its important to keep your individuality during a relationship but sooner or later you start spending more time apart than together because you simply don’t share the same interests now.
4 – Smile for the camera
Your Facebook profile is full of those couple photos of you both, grinning from ear to ear stood cuddled in next to each other, you read the comments and its ‘couple goals’ all the way.
Let me take a photo, get my good side, does my hair look ok, stand closer, smile. Now Are you posing for vogue magazine or capturing a happy memory of your outing? We all now how to pose for a photo and thanks to Instagram we are fully aware that we live in a visual world, we only post the best of us not the worse, but did you have to force that smile?
Do you look at that photo and think ‘oh I love that we look so radiant and happy’ or is it simply for social media? Ask yourself when the last time was someone didn’t have to tell you to smile with your husband or wife for a photo and the first thing you checked out on the photo was their face and not your own.
5 – More action in an Alka-Seltzer
Yep…intimacy. Probably one of the first things to fizzle out in a relationship (if you let it). Gone are the days of matching underwear and laying yourself out on the fresh bedding ready and waiting for your husband or wife to come in and pounce on your like a horny 18-year-old.
Its now grey wash knickers and fake tan stained sheets, but that doesn’t mean your intimacy should be flatter than a pancake! Butterflies and flirting should still feel as exciting now as they did back at the beginning! But your thinking, ah not tonight iv done my tan, iv got an early start… hello warning signs!
I bet you still bought some goodies from the Ann Summers party you went to for Sarah’s Hen Party, and now you’re probably the best and only guest and your own pleasure party!
Need I say more???
6 – Vacay Vibes
Ahh its that time, pass me the sunglasses Hun we are going on holiday!
You have been waiting for this all year and man you have the best time on holiday, sun sea and plenty of smiles, but then you come back and all you can think about is how you want to choke them. Back to the daily grind, picking up their washing, flushing the toilet after they have been and putting their dirty underwear away. But wait…this behaviour didn’t stop whilst you were away you just had too much of a good time enjoying yourself to notice.
When you sit and think about the good times you and your partner have is it mainly always on holiday? When you have no distractions, a break away from normal life. Holidays just seem so amazing…but are you masking your relationship issues by always getting away?
You vowed to be married forever, so why isn’t your relationship as good at home as when you are away? because it should be. Happy memories shouldn’t have to be made the other side of the world whilst your knee deep in sangria and sunshine.
7 – Wondering Eyes
Now this doesn’t always happen but for so long you can’t even remember what it feels like to acknowledge another person, your mind doesn’t even process other people’s good looks and flirty banter, that is until you stop watering your own garden because your too busy looking at other peoples.
We can all acknowledge a good looking human and I don’t think your partner is going to kick off because you said Tom Hardy looks Fit as, but Tom Hardy doesn’t grab your glare for too long in the fish aisle in Tesco (well done if he did). You find yourself handing out the flirty eyes and longing gazes with that bit of alright in the car park next to you. Now whilst you probably never act on these little traits, they have now become part of your behaviour and you like the attention of strangers.
You could argue it’s because you don’t get it from your husband or your wife anymore but is that because you’re now looking on your own doorstep your more interested in others.
8 – Girls Night out
Your favourite time of the month, tan done, nails done, lashes on, full face of makeup and 10 Pornstar Martinis in the pipeline! You love that weekend out with your tribe. Who doesn’t!?
Once a month used to be more than enough, you needed the other 3 weekends to recover, but are these girls nights getting more and more regular? Are you enjoying the freedom from your husband or wife each weekend probably a bit more than you should be? Already planning the next one in before the hangover has even set in the next morning.
As I mentioned before having your own time to live your life is important in a relationship but are your loving your life away more than your life with them? Are you living and loving the weekend with them or without them?
9 – Life Leading to different roads
Chances are you have already discussed your life plans and ambitions, but do you plan to make them a reality? Do you see yourself with more children, no children, a bigger house, a life changing career or the dream of travelling the world, do you see yourself doing these things with your life partner?
Whilst we all have different desires and goals its important that your relationship allows you to work on them together not tear you apart. Have you always dreamt of making it big in the marketing business, travelling the world and saving for that dream house but your partner quiet likes staying at home in your two-bedroom terraced house?
Do you put your dreams on hold for them or do you expect them to change? 2 + 6 don’t equal 10!
Can you say honestly that if in 10 years’ time you settled for what they wanted you would be happy? And will they be truly happy if they changed their hopes and aspirations for you?
10 – You already looked up divorce
Yep you googled it, probably cleared your history after so it couldn’t come back and bite you on the ass! You only want to know what you would get, what your intitled too, surely your just being curious. But are you??
What is so important to know about divorce that you thought you would google it if you’re happily married? Say no more. Brush of the excuses stop kidding yourself and take a good look at why you’re here…you don’t wonder about divorce if your happily married.
So, there it is, my top 10 reasons why you should leave your marriage.
Now I’m not a relationship expert and I haven’t been to the university or love, but I do know from first-hand experience that sometimes marriages just don’t work out. You may not have any regrets of getting married, but you have gotten to a point that you are no longer the wife or husband you vowed to be. Leaving a marriage is hard! You vowed to be in this contract for the rest of your life, but if you truly have any doubts and you have worked tirelessly together to try and work them out and you still find yourself wondering what life would be like on your own then you owe it to yourself and your partner to call it a day!
Hearts always get broken during break ups and when you’re married you are married to their family, your house, their friends etc and your breaking up with all of those too, it will be difficult and you will question your decision but can you say without doubt that if you woke up knowing it was your last day on earth, would you have done anything differently?
So, although a relationship takes two, you only have ONE life, so live it!
Thanks for reading Hun,
Lauren Lily Lea xxx